"I'd be friends with the sparrows and the boy who shoots the arrows"

I usually don't throw these things out on short notice. I usually spend far too much time trying to define an arc or fabricate a connection and I never click that publish button until I "feel it". Today I decided I was going to make myself "feel it". Perhaps it was the Chimay or the Maredsous Triple but I wanted to see what I could do off the cuff because sometimes, on your sleeve is where the most important things can be found. And besides that, given the timeliness of the subject matter I couldn't really wait until next month to post.

Once again this year I was asked what I wanted to do for Father's day. My response to that question is this: When you don't become a parent until you are almost 40 years old and your life is half over, like myself, Father's Day should no longer be about me. Quite similar to previous years, this year it wasn't about me either. Because I was travelling on Sunday, Father's Day was on Saturday and it included several goals scored in the last of the season pee wee girls Soccer Game, an open house for Summer Camp which starts Monday because Kindergarten is over, a little bit of shopping and because it rained for the rest of the day, staying home, making soft shell tacos and watching the High School Musical "Sing-a-long, Dance-a-Long" party on the Disney channel.

I can't imagine what the cynic in me of 20 years ago who's life was about surviving on generic Campbell's soup and saltines, Morissey and Siouxsie and The Banshees and learning the ins and outs of Pharmaceuticals would have thought of this. Or that he could have imagined himself to be one day not only downloading but also singing along to The Jonas Brothers who, although he can't explain it, he finds it very difficult to say anything bad about.

I've resigned myself to the fact that some things will never change. When I go into Williams-Sonoma I know I'm not going to be able to walk past that big stainless steel funnel without feeling the urge to put it on my head and start singing "If I only had a heart" and when I do I know some sales associate will roll his eyes and say "Oh Jesus, another fag has the funnel, someone get security". Likewise I know I'm always going to be a cynic, it is an integral part of who I am, but I've come to realize that the things which have become the targets of my cynicism are inconsequential, unimportant and don't really matter. They never did.

A couple of weeks ago I went to see UP. I don't go to the theater to see movies that often, unless it's Almodovar. The Wonderful, Horrible Life of Leni Riefenstahl and Man On a Wire are 2 of the best movies I've seen and I've seen them in my living room. So when I do go to the movies, it's a given that it's something I really want to see. I'm a big Disney fan and I had high expectations. I knew it would be entertaining but I didn't expect to be steamrolled by themes of love and loss and coming to terms with the past and the necessity of cutting the past loose in order to keep it from dragging you down and not moving on to the future. Until you've experienced it, it is very difficult to try to explain to a 6 year old that you are shaking because you're trying not to laugh out loud when the truth is it's exactly the opposite. The past and everything that encompasses it is full of trickery and deception and it is quite adept at making you believe that things are not what they really are and until you can tell it goodbye it will always burden you.

I've known burdens and I've known trials but in spite of overcoming them, I can't think of anything that leaves me with more contentment than knowing that somewhere there is someone who thinks I am a bigger person than I really am.